The Yolk’s (Not) on Them

Bill Mann Mann Overboard
Posted 8/21/18

Some musical short items from the Mann with the short attention span:

EGG-CITING BAND: I asked my bass-playing physician, Dr. Gary Forbes, about the origin of his band’s oddball name, One Egg …

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The Yolk’s (Not) on Them

Posted

Some musical short items from the Mann with the short attention span:

EGG-CITING BAND: I asked my bass-playing physician, Dr. Gary Forbes, about the origin of his band’s oddball name, One Egg Night. The tall (Lincolnesque, actually) Forbes explains, “Our first gig was in late 2012, and we had no name for the band. The night before the party, we were in our practice space and an egg struck the window. No idea who sent the message, but it was a revelation — if we get only one egg a night, we are doing OK. Not another since…” Egg-sellent!

My prescriptions for a physician’s band’s playlist:

“Doctor My Eyes” (good one for an ophthalmologist); “Doctor Feelgood” (we miss you, Aretha); “I Need a New Drug” (Huey Lewis at the pharmacy); and Humble Pie’s “I Don’t Need No Doctor” (One of the loudest rock songs ever, with Peter Frampton on guitar).

And many others, of course.

ROCKIN’ ON: Since we’re jamming here, I spotted an interesting offer in one local paper recently: “Free Public Shredding.” Think Eddie Van Halen or Joe Perry might show up?

NOW, A MUZAK-AL NOTE: A recent New York Times piece profiled a composer who cringed at the pipped- in music at his favorite restaurant, so he offered to compose a playlist for the owner. It’s not that bad here in PT, where you rarely hear Muzak in stores and eateries. The classic line about this: “101 Strings — and dammit, I only have 99 bullets.”

TOUGH EDITING GIG: A friend recently returned from Capetown and gifted me with a copy of the Cape Times. I would NOT want to be a copy editor at that South Africa daily. Why? One story featured a firefighter named...Zusiphe Mehlomakhulu.

GANG STYLE: Ever heard of a prison chain gang that has its own publicist? The one in Clallam County does, and I read about the work the clean-up trustees do weekly in the local press. During one recent week, I learned, the gang cleaned up 350 pounds of litter from alongside local highways, as well as “melted car parts.” Really? Melted car parts?

MY FAVORITE SUMMER READ: I’m always looking for funny books, and number one on the Amazon charts the day it was released this month: Acerbic, funny long-time GOP operative Rick Wilson’s “Everything Trump Touches Dies.” Among wordsmith Wilson’s funny coinages: The Orange Incumbent’s rallies are “Hillbilly Nurembergs,” and the proposed border wall is “Douchehenge.” And “Night of The Long Sporks.” His favorite movie is “Triumph of The Wall” (Great Hitler reference, that). I cannot remember laughing out loud this often at any book in a long time.

SLOW-DOWN, WILLYA?:  I’ve often wondered about that robo-cop  “Your Speed Is” unit in front of Blue Heron School. Why isn’t it moved around PT? And why is it even there in summer, when there are no students around? Another similar unit has now been stationed out on Jacob Miller Road where the speed limit was already recently reduced and where there are far fewer cars. Why? My guess is that some resident(s) out there has made a lot of complaining calls to city officials or police.

Know where that second unit is needed a lot more? On Hastings west of Sheridan, which has a lot more traffic and where cars often come blowing into town from the west, many doing 50 or more.

YOU’RE A PAINE, THOMAS: Speaking of Blue Heron speed, the running track there summons to mind one of the cleverest newspaper cutlines (captions) I’ve ever seen:

Under a photo of timers with their stopwatches at a track meet was this cutline: “These are the souls who time men’s tries.”

(PT resident Bill Mann has written the humor column for USA TODAY and CBS MarketWatch.com. He’s newsmann9@gmail.com).

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