—Turkey Shooting: Want a free turkey — and something to hunt humans with as well, peut-être? Simple. A Cape Coral, Florida roofing contractor is getting into the holiday spirit with a high-powered  promotion. Buy a new roof, and get a free frozen turkey.

But wait…there’s more. They’ll also throw in… a free AR-15 assault rifle!  But…you also have to pass a background check. Awww.

 “Our roof will protect you from the rain,” says their promo. “And the AR-15 will protect your family.” Sure it will.

—Stephanie Land, whose biographical “Maid,” a true story of working as an abused single mother and housecleaner in Port Townsend, won critical acclaim. It was a bestseller and spun off a hit 2021 Netflix series.

She’s just released a follow-up book, “Class.” It tells of living on food stamps and in a homeless shelter in PT while going deep into debt. She appeared on Alan Alda’s podcast recently, explaining that despite her book’s critical success, she hasn’t gotten rich. Far from it.

She wanted to buy a house in Missoula, Montana where she and her new husband now live, but it hasn’t been easy. She told the New York Times she had to pay mortgage insurance, and Netflix money didn’t come in time to help with buying a house. She’s also had to pay off $50,000 in student loans, $16,000 in credit-card debt, her mortgage, and more than $30,000 for family health insurance. Plus, speech bookings dried up during the early months of the pandemic.

She now says she’ll be on the road a lot to pay for the house. Which she cleans herself. And it isn’t close to the upscale homes she once cleaned in PT.

 But Land says when she stays in hotels now, she always leaves $20 a night for the maid.

 — Canada had its own Thanksgiving several weeks ago, and its Super Bowl, the Grey Cup, is this Sunday. It’ll be played at Tim Horton Field — yep, THAT Tim Horton—  in Hamilton, Ontario. (Hamilton’s most famous native son, BTW, is comic Martin Short.)

When I lived in Montreal, I once watched a Grey Cup from Calgary.  Well, tried to watch. A blizzard made it almost impossible to see the field. Toronto sportswriter Scott Young (you may have heard of his famous son, Neil) wisecracked: “The only reason they didn’t play atop Mount Everest is that it was already booked.”

 — Things are going swimmingly: A big thanks to all of you for  contacting your city councilperson and/or county commissioner to lend your support for our much-needed new pool. See you in the shallow end!

 — Finally, speaking of noted women writers, as we were up top, more good material from one of the wittiest ever, Dorothy Parker:

When a bartender once asked what she was having, Parker wisecracked, “Not a good time.” And speaking of saloons, she was the one who observed, “Candy is dandy. But liquor is quicker.”

Finally, Parker sent this telegram  — all caps below for realism — to a woman who gave birth after having talked for months about her pregnancy: 

 CONGRATULATIONS. WE ALL KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU

  — PT humorist and former San Francisco Examiner columnist Bill Mann is reachable at Newsmann9@ gmail.com