The life aquatic: When one lives in a nautical town like PT, you meet characters with interesting maritime stories. 

This humorist lubbs the land (I’m a landlubber), but I’m always looking for funny nautical stories. And local sailor Piper Dunlap has them. 

The 50-ish Dunlap grew up sailing in the U.S. Virgin Islands, and he’s crewed on the Race to Alaska twice (“We made it once,” he said, smiling). His family then moved to New York, where he was a high school classmate of erstwhile MSNBC flamethrower Keith Olbermann. (“He was pretty annoying even then,” Dunlap said.) Dunlap then graduated from University of California, Berkeley. Now, he’s an acupuncturist, drummer, boat owner and father of two teenagers.

While needling me the other day, Dunlap, who has a salty sense of humor, recounted some of his various maritime gigs: 

• He was once a boat repo man. “My crew seized two expensive yachts in the Sacramento delta. As we took off, the guy came after us with his shotgun blazing. We ignored the ‘No Wake, Please’ signs.”

• Dunlap got his captain’s license and commanded one of the prestigious Hornblower yachts, ships that do expensive dinner cruises to and under the Golden Gate Bridge. “On one cruise, they were doing karaoke, and they asked me to come down from the bridge and sing a couple of numbers. So I launched into ‘Mack the Knife’ and ‘Yellow Submarine.’”  

“Someone asked me who was steering the ship, and I said, ‘Otto. You know, Otto Pilot.’” Uneasy laughter. 

• One time, in a “sleazy backwater port” in Costa Rica, a drunk broke into his ship’s pilothouse. “He drank our Grand Marnier. When we found him, he dove off the ship.” (Man Overboard!) It goes without saying that no pilothouse should be without really expensive cognac. Grand, mariner! 

More nautical items: Breaking news! 

Taken the Port Townsend ferry lately? Notice anything different? 

As a member (of short standing) of the local Ferry Advisory Commission, I pass along this “inside passage” from a state press release: All Washington state ferries have been slowed down. Gov. Inslee issued the order three weeks ago to save fuel. 

“The ferry here is now about 1.5 knots slower,” explained one ferry official. “That requires faster loading and unloading.” 

It also gives you five minutes more to work the onboard jigsaw puzzle – or even better, time to savor those tasty Tater Tots covered with garlic now served at the galley.

(OK, I can see some of you wincing at the mere mention of Tater Tots. But not me. Mom served them often. We always had the four basic food groups in our meals: Salt, sugar, starch and grease.)

Sign of the times: We live in a super-quiet neighborhood on Dundee Hill. Even on weekends, it’s peaceful, with one exception: the gang bangers, the Second Amendment crowd 5 miles away at the local shooting range.

That’s why I love the sign one neighbor out there on Jacob Miller Road posted recently: “Your Gun Noise Sucks!” 

‘Terradactyl’: One reader asks if I have any idea why someone has been putting plastic toy dinosaurs around Old Fort Townsend State Park. Um, because everyone needs a hobby? 

Poppers, anyone? I noticed a local headline the other day that read, “Shrimp head poppers needed.”  It apparently had to do with volunteers needed for packing shrimp and freezing them for a fundraiser. But ... don’t shrimp head poppers sound like something you’d order at Chipotle? 

Sit-down dining: “Golf is my favorite sport,” someone recently was telling this ex-golfer. Which reminded me of a funny line Jerry Seinfeld once used to describe golf: 

“If you can eat, drink and smoke while you participate, is it really a sport?” 

Port Townsend resident Bill Mann wrote a humor column for USA Today and CBS MarketWatch online. 

He’s always on the lookout for funny items – and funny people. Connect with him at newsmann9@gmail.com.