Graffiti on The Go: Bumper stickers are a good barometer of the local social climate. PT is a good example. 

I have a preference for funny ones. Weird ones will do, too, like the one a friend spotted on I-5: Better Dead Than Bald. I also like Shave the Whales, because it’s both funny AND odd.

One bumper sticker I’ve never understood: We’re Spending Our Kids’ Inheritance (even if true, why would anyone want to broadcast this?).

Recently, I’ve been cruising our local parking lots (is this what police call a car prowl?), looking for interesting stickers. Not surprisingly, I didn’t find any for Herr Conditioner (Trump). But, I was once warned to remove my Obama sticker before I headed to Idaho. Good call. 

The classic Port Townsend bumper sticker, of course, is We’re All Here Because We’re Not All There. Someone thought that was clever. Some, obviously, still do. 

A guy I know here, Lee, has so many political bumper stickers (e.g., Impeach Trump) stuck to his truck it probably lowers his gas mileage. 

So, a few I spotted on my parking-lot patrol here that stand out: 

• My Cat Is Smarter Than Your Student (me-OW!)

• Caution. Driver Singing. 

• I Kissed a Werewolf — And I Liked It!

• Horn Broken, Watch For Finger (surprisingly, I spotted this one in the Co-Op parking lot).

• A nice antidote to the annoying Baby on Board sticker (this espied at Safeway): Adults on Board. We Want to Live, Too. 

• I Drive a Stick.

• Keep Portland Weird (Being the hipster capital of the world not good enough?)

• Let’s Be Roundup Free in JeffCo (bad news for cowboys?). 

• My Kid Has More Chromosomes Than Your Kid

Two of the cleverest: 

• I’m So Gay I Can’t Even Drive Straight (Try telling THAT to a cop).

• If You Can Read This, I’m Not Impressed ... Most People Can Read.

My favorite, one you could apply to some locals we know: 

• The Fact That No One Understands You Doesn’t Mean You’re An Artist 

MOM’S THE WORD: Whoever heard of a laundromat, of all things, getting five-star reviews on Yelp? Well, Mom’s Laundromat, down on Washington near the boatyard, does. This place should never, er, fold. An especially lighter touch: Framed displays of lost socks, organized ... by year! “It feels homey,” one customer tells me. That it does. And, in how many laundromats can you find copies of The New Yorker? Or an animatronic fortune-telling booth occupied by Zoltar the Magnificent from Tom Hanks’ “Big?”

A CLOSE SHAVE: I’ve volunteered at the Visitors’ Center for about 10 years. It’s usually quite enjoyable, meeting folks from around the country and the world, places I sometimes know, having grown up the son of a much-travelled career Army officer. Several out-of-staters I see each week want info on PT as a place to retire or relocate. 

One visitor even used Google Earth to show me his neighborhood down in Tasmania. Crikey! 

Most of the visitors who come in are delightful. 

But, one day, this 60’ish guy shambles in, blathers on and on. I try politely to ease him toward the door. I have other visitors to help. Hey, I’m workin’ here! 

After about an hour, the guy calmly pulls an electric razor from his pocket, shaves, and empties the whiskers out onto the desk. And strolls out.

A few sandwiches short of a picnic?

Occam’s razor says yes. 

PT resident Bill Mann has written humor columns for USA Today and CBS MarketWatch. He’s always looking for funny people and funny items. Newsmann9@gmail.com