It’s been a few years since I’ve had one of my great epiphanies. The last one was to introduce wolves into Port Townsend as a means of controlling the deer population, but there was resistance from pet owners and those who like rodents.

Finally, a new epiphany. As before, this took place on Sheridan, driving past the beautiful sight of fathers and mothers picking up their kids from Grant Street Elementary. I got to the store to pick up the new Leader and there on the front page was the exclusive story about changing the school’s name.

I thought, not “Grant” for goodness sakes. I mean, he wasn’t that bad of a president – a little corruption, a recession or two, some confusion about Reconstruction – but nothing to inspire greatness and bigness among the youth of PT.

Then it hit me. Name the school after the 45th president. That would be Trump, in case you’ve been on a long wilderness trip. The Donald Trump School. It would be the first in the nation, and would bring more tourists than we’d know what to do with, a flood of folks from the center of the country wanting to build on empty lots. So many people that the deer would be crowded out. It would be huge.

Trump himself would want to visit, deals could be made whereby the kids could follow a dress code (suggestion: brown shirts) for which Trump would surely grant the school $5 million or so, assuming Port Townsend would put a fireproof American flag on every corner.

Think of the kids, in their brown shirts, lining the streets as the presidential cavalcade drove into town. We’d call the girls Trumpettes, the boys Trumpsters.

Seriously, unbounded hugeness. This may be one of the best epiphanies I’ve had.

ROBERT GREENWAY

Port Townsend