Gaming your way through life is usually thought of as some elaborate con meant to fool others with an avaricious scheme, but what if instead people gamed their way to true intimacy?

This is the work that Dr. Jessica Tartaro does in her twice monthly group events called SpeakUP.

Tartaro has a doctorate’s in Clinical Health Psychology, has trained as a therapist, and is certified as a coach in Washington. She coaches both individuals and couples, and it was through her studies in “conscious intimacy” that she came across the playful new field of “authentic relating.”

“I was very interested in the world of conscious intimacy and conscious sexuality and they have their own games and those games were influenced by the same origin point as what become authentic relating,” Tartaro said.

By this point, it’s understandable to wonder what kind of games are being talked about here. One of Tartaro’s favorites is what she calls, “The Noticing Game.”

Similar to meditation when one notices thoughts while trying not to judge or follow or reject them, this game invites individuals in pairs to notice their internal states while interacting.

“The noticing game is inhabiting the witness perspective moment by moment. It’s really the game that best earns the title relational meditation,” Tartaro said.

“I might say, ‘Sitting here talking with you I notice myself feeling alert and excited,’ or I might say, ‘I notice my lower back is a little achy’ … and you might say in response, ‘Hearing that I notice…’ and then you would present without judgement, ‘Oh, I’m hungry’ … or, ‘I feel excited,’ or, ‘I feel nervous,’ or whatever it is … and then we go back and forth.”

While these might seem like minor noticings to some, it’s common for people to be afraid of opening up like this in a group setting.

“People often walk in nervous, or they just never come,” Tartaro said. “You know, like, ‘Oh, people going on purpose to feel in connection with each other? How awkward. How intense.’”

If anyone who has those kinds of thoughts has read this far, don’t stop yet.

“This is meant to be an introduction to a way of relating that most people know is possible, but don’t know how to get there,” Tartaro said. “You don’t have to come in and know what you’re doing, but it does take a willingness to be with something new.”

If you’re someone whose willing to be with something new, and maybe even feel uncomfortable, then this is a treasure trove of opportunity, she added.

If at any point someone feels the need to abstain from a game or prompt, Tartaro not only allows that, but even encourages and rewards it.

“We celebrate when someone says no in the group,” she said. “They say, ‘Pass.’ We say, ‘Thank you for taking care of yourself.’”

Tartaro’s hope is that those kind of boundary setting skills and the centered presence from processes like The Noticing Game can create a cultural shift.

“If they were norms at large, my God would policy unfold differently,” Tartaro said. “We would embody our communication, it wouldn’t just be words.”

Another part of what makes SpeakUP so easily accessible is that anyone can drop-in without any commitment to return. So far, they’ve been held on the first and third Thursday of every month as a “pay what you can” event with a minimal suggested donation of $15. For those who decide they’ll be back, Tartaro also offers a discounted season pass of six classes for the cost of five ($75).

The event dates back to 2018 when Tartaro first arrived on the Olympic Peninsula, bringing her training from Austin, Texas, the birthplace of this movement, to our evergreen shores. The pandemic of course sidelined things, but over the summer Tartaro decided to try again and has found the community is ready to connect again.

To learn more, go to  drjessicatartaro.com/speakup-fall-series-deepening-our-connections.