Bill Mann

Will the mesothelioma ads ever end? 

The preternaturally annoying, lawyer-sponsored ads say they’ve “even written a book” on the lung ailment (how’s THAT for classic reading matter?) And mesothelioma “is all we do.” (Have they ever considered, say, stamp collecting?)

I watch quite a bit of TV, having been an admittedly cynical newspaper TV columnist for years. My other huge annoyance on the tube these days are those ubiquitous Medicare Advantage ads with Joe Namath, among others. These ads suggest you might, with their policies, get everything from dental and vision care to Social Security rebates. Uh huh. I’m holding out for a plan that includes free oil changes, breakfasts in bed, and house painting. 

Then, of course, there’s the usual onslaught of drug ads, products like Trulicity (good name for a girl), Aspercreme, Vascepa, Entresto, ad nauseum. 

The voiceover will speed read possible side effects like shortness of breath, problems breathing and swallowing, dizziness, rapid heartbeat and, of course, death. (Some side effect). Ozempic ads feature Pilot’s insipid ‘70s pop hit “Magic,” which I’d hoped I’d never hear again.

— Return to PT: Go to YouTube and type in Port Townsend Gentleman in the search box. There you’ll find a 12-minute video that was part of the 25th anniversary DVD of the PT-lensed  movie, “An Officer and a Gentleman.” This interesting, short 1982 feature is hosted in PT by Louis Gossett Jr., who won an Oscar for his portrayal of a snarling Marine drill instructor. You’ll see the Tides Inn suite where one character hanged himself, the buildings at Fort Worden that were repurposed for the film, showing them then and now, and also, how and why Worden was converted to a Navy base through props and paint. 

Gossett recalls that when the movie was filmed, PT was mostly “hippies and lumberjacks” and had “fallen on hard times.” There’s a short interview with PT FilmFest founder Peter Simpson. 

After watching this, go rewatch the movie (jokingly called “An Officer and A Gentile” in Hollywood.) It’s still a pretty good film, and the story is a timeless one. All the costars are in the Gossett video, save Debra Winger, 

— High and Dry ... So Far: City Manager John Mauro recently assured us on the board of the Port Townsend Aquatic Coalition that he’s working to find ways to reopen Mountain View Pool after city parks boss Alex Wisniewski left. I’ll sure be glad to get chlorinated again. The pool is ready. Staffing is the trickiest part. I know you can do this, John! 

— Recommended Pandemic Viewing: “Call My Agent,” on Netflix. It’s an unusually well-written, well-cast, and funny series about a movie talent agency in Paris. And it’s addictive. Its fourth season has just appeared. French movie stars like Isabelle Huppert, Gérard Depardieu, Marion Cotillard, and Isabelle Huppert guest star and play along. It’s not dubbed, but subtitled, and even my capable, Paris-educated French teacher at Peninsula College Vicky Bétraud admits that the rapid-fire Parisian French is hard to follow. Many of my fellow francophiles and non-francophiles here love this series. 

— Speaking of drug side effects as we were above, none were funnier than those listed on Steven Colbert’s old show on Comedy Central, “The Colbert Report.” 

In a recurring series called “Cheating Death,” Colbert pitched fake medicines for a phony drug company, Prescott Pharmaceuticals. This was some of the funniest material on TV. 

Among the Prescott medicines’ side effects Colbert listed: Arby’s Mouth; Chinese Firebones; Genital Migration; Massive Weight Gain; Nostril Inversion; Late Onset Albinism; Mild Kidney Explosions; Rectal Hallucinations; Reemergence of the Umbilical Cord; Uncontrollable Lung Growth; Teriyaki Lung; Transexual Kidneys; Vivid Dreams of Self-Cannibalism; Yellowstone National Bladder; Restless Torso Syndrome; Precocious Kidney; Knee Transference; Involuntary Blowhole; Hair Swelling; Facial Corkboarding; Dissolving Intestine Syndrome (DIS); Hairy Uvula; Honey Nut Areolas; Increased Risk of Vampire Attack; REO Speedlung; Pituitary Ferns; Hungry Hungry Hipbones; and Runaway Gums. 

(You can reach PT humorist Bill Mann at Newsmann9@gmail.com.)