Bill Mann

SF comic Steven Pearl, using a Myron Cohen geezer voice: “Why, when I was a boy, we didn’t HAVE MTV, dammit. We had to take DRUGS.. and go to CONCERTS!” 

Proof we’re even older than we might realize arrived in a recent email titled, “These Albums Are 50 Years Old in 2021.” Brace yourself, fellow Boomers: 

The Doors, “L.A Woman”; John Lennon, “Imagine”; Cat Stevens, “Teaser and The Firecat”; The Allman Brothers, “Live at Fillmore East”; Jethro Tull, “Aqualung”; Carole King, “Tapestry”; and The Who, “Who’s Next.” My, how a half century does fly by! 

- St. Paddy’s Day Material: NPR worthy Michael Krasny emails pix of these sandwich boards in front of pubs: “Free Beer+Topless Bartenders+False Advertising”; “Come In And Meet Your Future Ex-Wife”; “Drink Triple, See Double, Act Single”; “Alcohol! Because No Great Story Started With Someone Eating a Salad.” 

— New Yorker humorist Andy Borowitz offers this headline: “Republicans Accuse Biden of Trying to Score Political Points By Ending Pandemic.” 

— Estimable presidential historian Michael Beschloss tweets this: “King George III really won the Revolutionary War. But it was stolen. And everybody knows it.” 

— People in PT have had their mailboxes robbed. My neighbor Jan sent me this cool idea: “I signed up for delivery notifications.  If you go to USPS.com, there is a link on top of the page. Each day they email me photos of the front of the mail that is coming that day (or as they say, soon). There’s a place to check mail that you didn’t receive and notify them.” I signed up. Check it out. Now I can see my Neptune Society and Miracle Ear mail before it even arrives!

— Great pandemic viewing: The subtitled French series “Call My Agent,” which is set in a Parisian talent agency. Many of France’s biggest film stars, like Juliette Binoche, Isabelle Huppert, and Jean Reno, parody themselves. The one American guest star is Sigourney Weaver, who shows up in a fourth-season episode ... and speaks pretty good French. You don’t have to be a francophone like me to appreciate this well-written, well-acted series on Netflix. But it couldn’t hurt. 

— Playing Pool: City Manager John Mauro insists he’s trying to work through staffing and administrative problems to get the Mountain View Pool reopened. He directed me to the city of PT website which says, “Staff are working hard over the coming weeks aiming for a re-opening as soon as possible - hopefully in late March.” 

He cited “tough realities” and staffing challenges. “I recognize your concerns but you and others don’t seem to recognize the significant efforts we’ve made as a priority here. There’s nothing else we can do besides compromise safety by not having lifeguards, for instance.” 

No lifeguards? No problem! 

OK, I’m joking. 

Lifeguard certification, I am told, is ongoing, and staffing and oversight issues are also presumably being addressed. It’s been a long, frustrating wait for us swimmers. We’re watching/counting on our city manager to finally re-open the pool. You can do this, John! 

— Literary Heart Doctor: A big thanks to JeffCo Healthcare cardiologist Dr. Frank Torres for turning me on to humorist Christopher Buckley. His well-written, funny books like “Make Russia Great Again,” and “Thank You For Smoking” have helped me through the quarantine, and they’ll help you, too. 

— Hooray-I’ve-Been-Shot Dept.: Have gotten Moderna 2, lucky me. And the estimable Dr. Fauci says my wife and I can now have (small) gatherings with people who have also been vaccinated. Which we’ll certainly do. And even though Doctor F. says fully vaccinated people probably won’t transmit COVID, I won’t give up the veil, as the Saudis might say. I’ll continue to hear, “Who was that masked Mann?” (Rim shot!)  

Finally, Middle Aged Riot tweets: “Wearing a mask is easy —unless your head is up your ass.” 

(In his peripatetic newspaper career, PT humorist Bill Mann has been a columnist at the Montreal Gazette, Honolulu Advertiser, Oakland Tribune, and San Francisco Examiner.)