People are kind to me as they send quaint, informative little sayings providing some humor or advice they know I would enjoy or include in this column. Some of it has to do with me and my quirks, some is applicable to Port Ludlow, Jefferson County, and many other places in our country. Some is just downright funny.

One friend passed along that they have sure gotten old. They have outlived their feet and teeth, had two bypass surgeries, plus one hip replacement and two knees. He fought off prostate cancer and diabetes. He is half blind and can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine. He takes 40 different meds that make him dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts. He has dementia, poor circulation and can’t remember if he is 85 or 92. However, he is appreciative that he still has his driver’s license.

A recently widowed woman told me that just before the funeral service, the undertaker came up her and asked, “how old was your husband?”

She replied, “98, two years older than me.”

“So, you’re 96,” the undertaker replied.

She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it?”

OK, a little bit morbid. How about a request from Yogi Berra? “You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.” That Peetza Place can fix you up.

I think it was Confucius who observed that “silence is a friend that will never betray you.” Somebody else advised that we should never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Thomas Sowell notes that it takes considerable knowledge to realize the extent of your own ignorance. Bill Watterson confesses that it’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning. Never talk about yourself, it will be done when you leave, unless you are truly boring. The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless

Since we are in the middle of football season, I should include some notes from notable football luminaries. For example, John Heisman is reported to have said, “Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble the football.” Coach Frank Leahy of Notre Dame notes that, “A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.” Minnesota’s Murray Warmath noted, “If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.”

There are lots more of that stuff in my computer, but I suspect you are more interested in some of the current, yet not fully reported, sports information. For example, The DePauw University Football Tigers from Greencastle, Indiana, are undefeated. They have scored an average of 53.2 points per game whilst their opponents have scored an average of 8.4 points per game. You can only speculate on the comments I could make about the quality of the opponents BJ’s alma mater, DePauw, has found. Wabash has outscored their opponents 34.25 to 18.5 having lost only to the University of Wisconsin’s extension school in Platteville. You wanted to know how the teams in the 130th version of the Monon Bell Classic were doing, didn’t you. OK, you really didn’t care

All of the foregoing is evidence that I have not yet graduated to ChatGPT! It could also be evidence that I should.

Love a curmudgeon and have a great week!

ned@ptleader.com