Port Townsend Kinetic Sculpture Race rolling through soon

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If you’ve ever wanted to take a piece of so-called art and toss it in the ocean or cover it in mud, the Port Townsend’s Kinetic Sculpture Race is not the place for you.

On the weekend of Oct. 1-2, an array of absurd art made mobile will overcome the waves, the mud, and more “for the glory!”

The hilarious history of kinetic sculpture racing dates back to 1969 where in Ferndale, California, another quaint Victorian town, an artist named Hobart Brown turned his son’s tricycle into a pentacycle. This created enough of a stir that another artist felt called to one up that creation with a kinetic art sculpture of their own, challenging the originator to a race.

It then escalated to the point that the whole town joined in and neither one of those two ended up winning that first race.

A kinetic sculpture is a human-powered, artistically enhanced vehicle. For the purposes of the race, it must traverse a diverse course including sand, mud, hills, and even water.

When asked for her favorite terrain, race committee chairman Lisa Doray had a tough time choosing.

“It’s hard to say. It’s a toss up between the water and the mud,” she said. “If you had to choose one thing, I would definitely say the fairgrounds and the mud … especially when people get stuck. They have to dive in.”

Along the way, volunteer “K-Kops” patrol the course citing contestants for sidesplitting infractions.

“When I was a cop, I would frequently write tickets to, say, dogs that had cuter sweaters than I have,” Doray joked.

Another way officials work to keep the race in a state of controlled chaos is a sobriety test contestants must submit to beforehand.

“What it tends to be is like an obstacle course that we make the pilots do,” Doray said. “This year we’ve got a big COVID ball and a big chicken. With pool noodles, and they’re blind folded, they have to break open the COVID piñata and retrieve a tail feather for the chicken to be able to ascend, to be able to rise from the ashes.”

Contestants are not without recourse to all of this officiating, however. Bribes are encouraged.

“The best bribe was Aragorn Deane. One year he had a sculpture that had a Schwenker and he actually gave out hotdogs,” Doray said of Deane’s contraption which had the rotating grill built into his vehicle.

Because dealing with bribery and citations while maneuvering a piece of art with human bodies can be so stressful, vehicles are mandated to have at least one “Teddy Bear” on board at all times.

“A stuffed animal of any kind will be acceptable,” Doray said, adding, “They started the Teddy Bear because when you’re on the road you’re away from your comforts, you want a little friend, a little something to cuddle up with.”

In addition to the race itself, the weekend includes an art contest, parade, the Rose Hip Kween Ball, a maker’s fair, and more.

“There’s lots of things for kids to do,” Doray said.

This year’s ball on Saturday night, while being the only 21-and-older event, will mark the end of the longest reign in Rose Hip Kween history as Kween Pearlificient, also known as Rachel Cervantes, must finally pass the torch after carrying it through the pandemic years. To get the ball moving, the band Copastetic will bring their brassy grooves known for getting feet on the floor.

Beyond the ball, there will be live music happening throughout the weekend around the various events taking place.

“We have the Port Townsend High School Band playing out at the mud, we have the Chimacum band playing at the parade, and The Unexpected Brass Band is gonna be out at the sand, so we’ve got lots of great local, young music too,” Doray said.

For more information as well as insanity, check out the full “Offishul Rules” on their website at ptkineticrace.org.