Beth Valentine loves it when she feels the connection she makes with a sixth-grader she is mentoring, knowing that as that connection grows, the younger girl is more likely to develop self-respect and confidence and become a stronger member of society.
It’s part of the Building Futures Mentoring Program offered by the YMCA of Jefferson County, which took over the function from the Big Brothers/Big Sisters when that program lost its funding in 2011.
“There was a community need,” said program coordinator Dana Nixon. “It reinforces that all children have value and worth, and that someone will be there to encourage them and show up. That they want to know more about them, encourage their interests and do what they want to do.”
The Building Futures program is based on creating relationships and helps the student being mentored overcome challenges they might be facing in other arenas of their life that are distracting them from becoming a good student, Nixon said.
They might be the youngest in the family and sometimes seemingly overlooked. Maybe they’re one member of a large and busy family. It could be that daily living seems, at times, to be overwhelming.
It might sound like a big load to take on, but Nixon and Valentine agree it’s some of the most rewarding work they’ve done.
Valentine, a senior at Port Townsend High School, plans to major in communications and psychology when she heads to college next fall. As part of her senior project to augment her collegiate studies, she sought out Nixon as a mentor, and in turn, became a mentor herself.
Neither are really sure why society today seems to be so much more aware of the mental well-being of youth, but both agree it could be because the subject is more openly discussed these days.
The studies surrounding mentoring also have shown that confident youth have better outcomes in life; Nixon quoted Frederick Douglass, “It is easier to build strong children than it is to fix broken men.”
Youth with mentors, studies show, are 52 percent less likely to skip school, 30 percent less likely to strike someone in frustration or anger and 46 percent less likely to start using drugs. All the while, school attendance improves, the increased self-esteem encourages the desire to pursue more education, and the interaction fosters positive behavior and increases trust in others.
“Their job is to be a friend,” Nixon said. “Sometimes it’s to help students with boundaries, help with basic communication skills — to make eye contact or interact with someone who’s not a teacher or parent. To build a friendship.”
Valentine only recently met the sixth-grade girl with whom she has been paired, and they are in the midst of breaking the ice by chatting over puzzles and other games. They’re both participated in an open house and talent show Feb. 6, where — even though they’ve only practiced it once — they performed a hip-hop dance.
That’s the kind of connections Valentine strives to make.
“We’re both passionate about dancing,” she said. “I hope she knows she has someone to talk to, to relate to. We’re similar in a lot of ways. I didn’t have that when I was younger, and I hope it’s beneficial to her. It is to me.”
“That’s where the magic happens,” Nixon said. “It’s cool to see the magic unfolding. I facilitate the mentor matches, but the (similar) life experiences (they learn about) when they get together is a really powerful piece.”
It gives the younger person in the relationship the opportunity to be — and discover — themselves, become more confident and start to explore other things in life.
“That’s where we learn new things,” Nixon said, “when we look outside our comfort zone.”
The Buildings Futures program has matched up 33 pairs of mentors and youth, but needs more adults. Volunteers work one hour a week with a student in grades first to ninth who are referred from school counselors, teachers or administrators as someone who might need extra attention. Nixon asks for a one-year commitment from the mentors, as consistency is key to establishing rapport and trust.
After a year, the pair can decide if they want to continue with one another; Nixon said one of her mentor matches has been working together for six years.
“It’s truly transformational,” Nixon said. “A friendship can mean so much with almost no effort.”
Valentine’s “mentorship” is a bit different, in that she is exploring career options by working alongside Nixon. She plans to integrate what she studies in college with what she’s learning here and meld it into a career as a child psychologist when she graduates.
“This has pushed me out of my comfort zone, too,” she admitted. “I’ve never done something like this. I feel like it’s impactful, this slowly opening up, and sharing.”
