TABLOID TRUTH: I was commiserating the other day with haircutter Debi Hinton at her Victorian Clipper Barber Shop next to the Food Co-op. We were bemoaning the downfall, of all things, of The National Enquirer, copies of which Debi has always displayed prominently in her clip joint.

“It’s really gone downhill since Trump’s buddy bought it,” she said. Agreed.

The Enquirer’s current publisher and Trump acolyte, David Pecker (his real name) has indeed turned the Perspirer into nonstop anti-Hillary screed.

Why do I care? An admission: I worked as a freelancer at the Enquirer several times between gigs at daily papers. The Enquirer paid handsomely; I had a mortgage to pay.

I remember one story I wrote for the West Palm Beach, Florida–based supermarket tab, a piece whose title made Hinton laugh: “Your Salad Dressing Reveals Your Personality.”

Pulitzer-caliber stuff, huh?

As funny as that headline is, it can’t touch arguably the greatest salad headline ever, this from The Onion: “Balsamic Terrorists Bomb Hidden Valley Ranch.”

ALOHA, WORDEN: On my first visit to Fort Worden, I felt like I was in Hawaii, of all unlikely places.

The chapel, just inside the state park’s main entrance, looks exactly like the chapel on the Honolulu Army base where I lived as a youth – right on the side of Diamond Head. It’s an identical twin of the Fort Ruger chapel. Except, of course, Worden isn’t 3 miles from Waikiki Beach. And no palm trees here.

My Worden travelogue continued. The barracks row along Worden’s parade ground? It could have been lifted right off Camp (now Fort) Carson, in Colorado Springs. This former Army brat was (officially) incredulous.

The best was yet to come: Officer’s Row, on the south side of Worden’s parade ground, looks just like the one at Fort Slocum, New York, another now-defunct Army base where we were stationed.

And have you ever looked closely at those white signs on the old officers’ quarters here, which now do duty as visitor rentals at Worden? They list previous residents during the Army days.

There’s Col. Frank Holden. Col. George Bartlett, Col. Charles Bailey, Col. John Hayden.

Notice anything similar about those names? Not exactly ethnic, are they? They look like, well, the membership of a restricted country club.

So that’s why I like to call it WASP Row. Those names demonstrate perfectly the ethnic diversity – or rather, lack thereof – of the Army officer corps back then. We were certainly part of that. (My Ohio-born dad, a career Army officer, was Maj. John Mann. White bread, anyone?)

As for those congruent buildings like the chapel, a retired officer offered a possible reason to this former Army brat one day at Worden’s Coast Artillery Museum: “There were probably two or three basic architectural blueprints at the Pentagon.”

Speaking of Army buildings, I still remember a funny sign posted in one base’s Officer’s Club every year for the holidays:

“Merry Christmas and Happy New Year – To Authorized Personnel Only.”

HYBRID TIMES: In his former incarnation as a faux Bill O’Reilly, Stephen Colbert used to jokingly refer to liberals as “Prius huggers.”

About the same time that funny coinage first appeared, a New York Times travel piece on PT made light of the high number of those Toyota hybrids spotted in the parking lot of our Food Co-op.

When I bought my Prius, I loved the gas mileage – about 50 mpg in town. I’m pleased that we have so many non-gas-guzzling cars here. Lots of them.

But there’s a downside I didn’t anticipate: accidentally trying to unlock the wrong car. Happens a lot. I’d wager half the Priuses in town are the same green color as mine. Er, sorry, lady!

THE (MUSICAL) LIFE AQUATIC: Best public place in town to hear great music consistently? Arguably the Mountain View Pool, where Seth Leighton’s staff, armed with Spotify, keep the ’60s-’80s hits coming swimmingly.

The other day during my daily swim, I was treated to David Bowie’s lovely “Star Man,” George Harrison’s classic “Here Comes the Sun,” ELO’s “Don’t Bring Me Down” and The Village People’s upbeat classic, “YMCA,” which also happens to be the organization located right next door at Mountain View.

Surprisingly missing: the equally appropriate Jethro Tull classic “Aqualung.”

GET OFF MY BACH: In a town with as many seniors as Port Townsend, medical matters are the main topic of many conversations here. (I plead guilty, too.)

There’s an amusing name for these common litanies of health problems: organ recitals.

Port Townsend resident and journalist Bill Mann welcomes input. Send ideas to newsmann9@gmail.com. Mann has written humor columns for CBS’s MarketWatch website and USA Today. His column runs every other week in The Leader.