Wednesday, May 31. 12:06 a.m. President Donald Trump spoke, or tweeted, more accurately, these immortal words: “Despite the constant negative press covfefe.”

A statement is as cryptic as it is thought-provoking. Why would the president tweet such a thing? Why would his staff let the tweet be visible to the whole world for hours? At 6 a.m., Trump rescinded his statement and replaced it with this: “Who can figure out the true meaning of ‘covfefe’ ??? Enjoy!”

A challenge. What is the true meaning of “covfefe”?

Why does President Donald Trump want us to enjoy something? Was this a thinly veiled distraction from the U.S. pulling out of the Paris Climate Accord, a secret way to send our nuclear launch code to Putin, our president finally losing his mind?

Can one truly figure out the true meaning of “covfefe”?

Clearly, this is President Trump moving a knight to spot X-Q-19 in his eternal game of four-dimensional chess. Let’s dispel once and for all with the fiction that Donald Trump doesn’t know what he’s doing. He knows exactly what he’s doing. This is a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top. All the way to the top of President Trump’s wispy, flaxen head.

Trump tweets his covfefe tweet. We all laugh at him.

We fail to see all the bills and laws and orders he passes while we laugh at him and his tweet.

Before we know it, Democrats are outlawed, all the orcas are dead, and you can get shot in the street if you forget to wear your “Make America Great Again” baseball cap.

That is the true meaning behind “cofvefe.” Not that our president tweeted a typo because he’s an idiot. Of course not. Presidents can’t be idiots, right?

IAN COATES

Port Townsend