Bill Mann

Things I’ve been doing to while away the time during the pandemic: 

— Watching the trucks unload at QFC;

— Taking guided tours of my neighbors’ linen closets;

— At the top of every hour, dropping everything to listen to the bells chime at the courthouse;

— Tuning in 97.7 FM/Radio Canada to see how my French has deteriorated. C’est trés mauvais. 

— Checking for grammatical errors in my mail from the Neptune Society, hearing-aid companies and menus.

— A coyote strolled down the street in front of our house the other day. He was walking on the left side of the street, so I assumed he wasn’t very ... wily. 

— Anyone else noticed that unusual cardboard cutout behind the visitors’ dugout at T-Mobile Park? I had no idea Jimi Hendrix was a baseball fan. Bet he has to fight crosstown traffic to get to Mariners’ games. 

— Speaking of rock royalty, I neglected to mention a few notables last time in my shameless-namedropping column about famous people I’ve  interviewed: 

— The Rolling Stones. The Montreal concert promoter invited me up to their hotel suites for their after-concert party. Sweet, right? But I left after
30 minutes — I missed my infant son at home. Awww. Some Stones fan.

— The clever Frank Zappa, who started me thinking about a career change. “You’re a rock critic?” The Zapster asked. Um, yea. “You know what a rock critic is?” Do tell. “It’s someone who can’t write interviewing people who can’t talk for people who don’t read.” Not long after, I switched to covering TV. 

— The Who, whom I helped the local promoter bail out of jail after they destroyed a Montreal hotel room. A thank-you note from the band was not forthcoming. 

— Speaking of rock critics above, among the most talented ever was Lester Bangs, featured prominently in the doc about Creem magazine that’s been streaming at the Rose Theatre’s website. The ever-quotable Bangs, portrayed by Philip Seymour Hoffman in the theatrical film “Almost Famous,” asked me to write for the iconic Detroit rock mag, and later was also kind enough to spend a couple of days at our apartment in Montreal (a city he loved) helping me with a radio documentary I was producing on the Stones. One of quote machine Bangs’ clever observations I still remember: “The Beatles put rock music in the living room. The Stones put it back in the bedroom.” 

— The Eagles. When there was a power failure before their concert in Montreal, the very first thing out of Glen Frey’s mouth to me in their darkened dressing room was, “Got any dope?” To get a peaceful, easy feeling. 

— The future of the Port Townsend links is up in the air, and many times this ex-duffer drives by the golf course and recalls golf immortal Bobby Jones’ classic definition of the game: “A pleasant walk sullied.” 

— I loved the Twitter hashtag for the pro-Trump maritime fiasco a few days ago near Austin during which five MAGA boats sank: It was quickly labelled #DumbKirk.

— The life aquatic again, on hold: I’ve told my fellow aquarians from the PT pool that I’d mention here how much we all miss our fine local swimming facility. For many, perhaps most, of us, having the PT pool closed by state mandate has been a setback to our health regimens. Gov. Inslee, whom I like and support: Please consider moving Jefferson County up to Phase 3, since we have achieved such a low COVID rate here. We almost moved to Phase 3 a couple of months ago, but Inslee froze all state counties. I envy those that had gotten to move to Phase 3. I’m surprised our county health director, Dr. Tom Locke, is seldom asked about any progress toward Phase 3 during the commissioners’ meetings heard on KPTZ Monday mornings. 

— Finally, New York comic Noel Casler asks a good question: “If Bill Barr was stuck in quicksand and sinking fast and you had a rope and a horse, what games would you play on your iPhone?” 

(PT humorist and currently beached swimmer Bill Mann is usually in over his head. Newsmann9@gmail.com)