Bill Mann

— Sign of the times: This sandwich board was photographed in front of a London eatery: “All Americans Must Be Accompanied By An Adult.” And a recent survey of British Columbians, our upstairs neighbors, found that only 6 percent of them want the border with the U.S. re-opened. There used to be a joke going around that Canada is building a wall to keep Americans from fleeing there. It’s not a joke: With the border re-closed for another month, there are now reports in the Canadian press that American tourists have been sneaking in, claiming they’re going to Alaska as per an old treaty.

— Being The Leader’s resident BLOTUS basher is not a burden I accept lightly. Not surprisingly, I get nasty email from local MAGA trolls. Nothing new here: I once wrote an anti-NRA  column for The Huffington Post, and mouth-breathing pistoleros trolled me for months. 

— Actress Grace Parra on SCROTUS finally and grudgingly wearing a mask: “This is like a dude putting on a condom after he’s finished.” Ad for a newly minted mouthwash I spotted on Facebook: “Stop Mask Breath!” And a Leader reader emails: “When someone refuses to wear a mask, I think, aha — a nose picker!” 

— After Trump’s bizarre, even-more-rambling-than-usual Rose Garden ostensible press conference last week, even the staid New York Times reported that POTUS “looked like a grandfather who’d broken into the sherry cabinet.” (Locally, I’ve called that big cabinet of booze bottles at the front of QFC “Grandpa’s Liquor Cabinet” since it was installed.)

— The New Yorker’s Andy Borowitz has this headline: “Americans Overwhelmingly Favor Sending Trump Back to School in Fall.” 

— NBC’s bright late-night host Seth Meyers, on Trump’s purported “depth:” 

“There is no deep within him. He’s so shallow he barely exists in the third dimension. If you dumped a teaspoon of water into a kiddie pool, it would be deeper than Trump. There’s nothing inside. He’s as hollow as a chocolate Easter bunny.”

— I love the colorful nickname Daily Beast pundit Rick Wilson has given resident White House creep Steven Miller: “Santa Monica Goebbels.” 

— Moving right along, Seahawk quarterback Russell Wilson is now the second-best-paid NFL footballer, prompting Everett sportscaster Tim Hunter to tell the Seattle Times: “Patrick Mahomes has signed a contract with the Kansas City Chiefs that will last longer than the team’s name.” 

— I don’t endorse local candidates. And not surprisingly, I haven’t been asked. But I was impressed that one county candidate put a QR code in her Leader ad last week, which led to a ... campaign polka video! That fun video gets my endorsement. 

— Now that the Washington NFL team is finally and grudgingly changing names, it reminded me how surprised we were when we moved here to learn that Port Townsend High’s nickname was also the Redskins. (In this town, of all places).  

PTHS is now, of course, the Redhawks, which is perfectly fine, with one minor cavil from this birder: There are very few red-tailed hawks around here.

I was hoping the NFL team’s new name would be the Washington Generals, the warmup team that has a 7-3400 won/lost record against the Harlem Globetrotters. I actually once played against the Generals — and we lost! (It was on a media team in Montreal before the Trotter main event.) 

— We have one fewer swimming hole in town: That monster pothole at Hancock and 32nd — it’s almost certainly the biggest in PT — has finally dried up. It’s either been drained, or the city poured dirt in it. With the Mountain View pool still closed (insert profanity here) that’s one less inland body of water. That pothole was so big it was on navigational charts. Rim shot! 

— Speaking of local oddities (weren’t we?) — have you seen The Earthquake House? Well, that’s what I call it, anyway. The future recovery cafe at the corner of Blaine and Kearney is an architectural oddity, to put it mildly. Check the north side of the building. It’s being rebuilt, and the strikingly off-kilter side now looks like an architectural version of Duchamps’ “Nude Descending a Staircase.” 

— One of the best takes on Mary Trump’s book on The Donald’s ultra-dysfunctional family comes from MSNBC anchor Brian Williams: “There’s an old saying,” intones Williams: “Damaged people damage people.” 

(PT humorist Bill Mann welcomes your feedback, Trumptrolls included.)