Talking about sexual assault, especially of children

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Local law enforcement officials say that while their handling of sexual assault cases has matured over the past 30 years, many people still struggle to confront the subject head-on.

“Let’s talk about it,” says Shane Stevenson, a Jefferson County Sheriff's Office detective who specializes in forensic interviews. “Talk to your friends and family about it. We can help more people by talking about it openly, rather than treating it like some taboo subject.”

Stevenson and City of Port Townsend Prosecutor Chris Ashcraft spent an hour on July 22 talking to a group of about 15 people about something many avoid thinking about, much less discussing openly.

“It's interesting to look at what society believes is going on and what's actually going on,” Ashcraft said, noting that 75 percent of sex assaults are committed by someone known to the victim. “We all have that image of the creepy guy who hides in the bushes and jumps out and drags people into the bushes under knife point. While those guys do exist, they are the vast minority.”

Ashcraft and Stevenson primarily focused on cases of child sexual assault, noting that one in six boys and one in four girls are sexually abused before age 18.

“Who are they with all the time?” Ashcraft said. “They're not wandering around through parks with strangers. They're with people they know who are supposed to be taking care of them and protecting them, and a lot of times, they are victimized by those people.”

Sixty percent of perpetrators are known to the child but are not family members, such as family friends, babysitters, child care providers and neighbors, Ashcraft said. Thirty percent are family members. Ten percent are strangers.

“It's really rare that it's just somebody random,” he said. “I can't even remember one that we've prosecuted where it was a total stranger.”

About 18 percent of women in the U.S. have been raped, Ashcraft said, and one in five female high school students report being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.

About 23 percent of the time, perpetrators of child sexual abuse are themselves minors, Ashcraft said.

“It can be very cyclical, where the perpetrator is 16 but was a victim when he was like 8,” said Ashcraft, who is also a former juvenile prosecutor. “I don't think I ever dealt with one of the child offenders who wasn't also a victim before.”

70% NEVER REPORTED

Seventy percent of all sex assaults are never reported to law enforcement, Ashcraft said.

“Even if disclosures are made to family members or parents, it doesn't always mean it's getting to law enforcement,” Stevenson said. “There's this mentality that we'll deal with it in the family, because you don't want the neighbors and friends and everybody to know about it.”

Sometimes, a strained family dynamic can discourage children from coming forward.

“We've dealt with a case here where the child made a disclosure, but mom was fully against it and was fighting us every step of the way,” Ashcraft said. “When we could get the child alone, they would talk to us. The moment mom got involved, that kid shut down and wouldn't talk anymore.”

Boys, in particular, are less likely to come forward, Ashcraft said.

“You know the whole tough guy thing where boys don't cry; well, boys also don't talk,” he said, adding that shame and embarrassment keep many victims from coming forward. “There's the immediate trauma and then it can linger. It can linger for days, months, years, a lifetime. It's an issue that requires a lot counseling and support. Don't go through this alone. Get help.”

Parents need to be ready to listen to and support their children, he said.

“If a kid starts to make a disclosure, be open to them,” Ashcraft said. “When they do disclose, there's a misconception that they'll just sit down and say, 'Mom and Dad, I want to have a talk.' What kids will do is they'll drop a hint. They'll test the fence, so you've got to be open to that.”

Some victims, however, do not show any signs of abuse.

“You see in the movies that this happens and they're devastated, their whole life falls apart,” Ashcraft said. “While a lot of that is true, in up to 40 percent of cases, people are asymptomatic. You would never know from the outside what's going on.”

TALKING TO KIDS

Although sexual abuse cases saw a 56 percent decline between 1992 and 2010, Stevenson said, abuse remains prevalent and parents should remain vigilant.

“In years past, these kinds of crimes weren't being investigated like they are now,” Stevenson said. “Even with the instruction that we give our kids about boundaries and their bodies, these things still happen.”

Typically, sexual assault is not reported right away, Stevenson said, making it difficult, if not impossible, to collect forensic evidence that will hold up in court. That's why Stevenson employs interview protocols from the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development.

“Innocent people have been convicted in the past because of the way interviews were done, and guilty people have gone free because of the way interviews were done,” he said.

For parents, the first step is being aware of who is around your kids and what their relationship looks like.

“You have to trust your instincts,” Stevenson said. “I think we have all been in a situation where we've seen somebody around kids and our spidey senses went off. A potential offender is going to groom them, give them presents, have a special relationship with them.”

The second step involves exercising self-control, knowing what questions to ask a child and how to ask those questions.

“As human beings, when we become emotional, our rational judgement goes down in almost equal increments,” he said. “Even if you think you have good intentions, you're likely going to influence the child. You want to remain calm. You want to ask open-ended, non-suggestive questions. You'll have an idea what happened, but don't get into specifics, and stay away from yes or no questions. Let them give you the story. Don't feed it to them at all. I would rather have a parent know how to ask the questions than know everything that's going on. All you need is enough to report it to us.”

Once you suspect foul play, stop questioning the child and contact law enforcement, Stevenson said. He also recommends calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673) or visiting

online.rainn.org to chat with someone who understands.

Dove House Advocacy Services as well as victim advocates in the Jefferson County Prosecutor's Office can also help victims of sexual assault and their families navigate these issues.

“By talking about it, we can make it easier for people to feel comfortable with what happened to them, to move on and not feel there’s something wrong with them,” Stevenson said.